Self care – it’s a strange word but something necessary I think! I feel that one of the hardest things for me about being a mom to twins is that my needs always come last. I know this is true just in being a mother in general, but when you have twins, all of your time and energy is literally devoting to caring for the babies.
You, like myself may also have older children to care for as well as a husband , a house to clean , meals to prepare and generally a whole ton of constant responsibility that doesn’t ever go away.
Sometimes I find myself resenting the fact that I don’t have anyone to take care of ME! I can’t remember the last time I got to sit down and read a really great book.
This is a photo of a dad with his hands in a heart shape holding his 3 week old infants feet.To keep yourself emotionally healthy and able to take on all of this, you have to find ways to care for yourself. Husbands will go out of town,or maybe have a hard enough time just adjusting to the new family, maybe you’re a single mom, friends or family may not always be available when you need a break – so that leaves YOU to take care of YOU. And YOU are important! Without you, it will all fall apart. Self care is SO important ! Read on for some simple ideas on taking care of you. Go to the support page for ideas on getting help from others
Get Ready
You are your own greatest resource. While it’s wonderful if someone does comfort you or take care of you , you can’t count on it all the time.Self care is just as important as twincare, housework, hubby care or anything else in your life that demands your time and attention. Some of the things you’ll need to do in order to stay sane are:
-plan ahead for everything
-learn to be optimistic and keep that sense of humor – you’re going to need it !
-feel better by treating your body well
-allow yourself ME time without feeling guilty
-learn to relax
I’m going to offer some sanity savers that have worked for me. I”m sure you’ll come up with others to help you cope.
First off – you have to understand that parenting is a learned skill for everyone. All of us need help and advice. There is no one perfect way to raise twins. Try not to spend time waiting for things to get ‘back to normal’, you have twins, there is no normal anymore! Normal will take on it’s own reality with time.
There is no such thing as a SUPERMOM. It’s a myth. You may feel like you ‘should’ be wearing those pre-pregnancy jeans again, or your twins ‘should be’ on a specific sleep schedule at XX weeks, really – just take the word SHOULD out of your vocabulary and focus on what you can do. Feeling like you have to do everything a certain way or at a certain time will just cause you to feel frustration when it fails. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from having twins and kids in general is to expect the unexpected.
Ideas for self care for moms of twins.
It seems like most of the moms I talk to all think the same thing – that they should be able to do it ALL. Self care doesn’t even occur to them. They’re too busy! I don’t know where we all got the same crazy idea or if it’s just passed on by our mothers who forget how insane it was when they has little ones, but until you let go of feeling like you need to be perfect you will be causing yourself so much stress.
Ask for support when you need it Don’t expect people to know what you need. They might think you have everything under control when in reality you are losing your mind. For a lot of us asking for help is really hard – so better yet, if it’s offered – take it and then point it in the right direction ( laundry, grocery shopping, clean my oven etc – be specific -! )
Cut down on your families extra responsibilities for now and don’t feel guilty about it. If you have older children either get them carpooled out or take a season off. My kids were more upset when I would take them to an activity and then not pay any attention to them because I was taking care of the 2 babies, not to mention that everyone else pays attention to the twins as well. Extra activities outside the home will add extra pressure on you juggling 2 babies and trying to organize activities, or fundraisers or school events etc. You can do that when the babies are older. There will be lots of time later.
Use the internet to stay connected with others! I really think I would have lost it if I hadn’t been online – instant messaging is the best possible thing out there to talk online! I never had to worry if my house was a mess, if I had my makeup on , if one of the babies was screaming – it didn’t matter – I could still stay connected with people and not feel so isolated.Staying connected is an important part of self care.
Get as much sleep and rest as you can – don’t laugh – I”m serious – you need it – make it a priority – nothing makes you feel like you are going to lose your mind more than being sleep deprived. If it’s a choice between laundry or a nap – take the nap.
Try not to be concerned with appearances – of you , your home, for now it’s really not important and people who visit are not likely interested in you having dusty furniture. ( and if they are, offer them a rag !)I think I lived in sweatpants, T-shirts and didn’t wear makeup or have my hair in anything other than a ponytail for the first year unless I had to leave the house. Priorities change – survival mode the first year or so is more important. On the flip side though – if someone wants to babysit so you can go and get your hair or nails done – go for it ! Chances are you’ve forgotten all about you recently.
Don’t try to find time for yourself – MAKE time – otherwise it will never happen. Self care is caring for yourself – just like childcare or infant care. Look at an average day and find the time for you – take a bath, take a walk, sit in your driveway in your car and play the music really loud, do 20 minutes of yoga, read a chapter in a book – whatever you used to do for yourself – make the time to do it now – even if it’s just for 20 minutes right now. Taking that little bit of time for yourself will make a difference. If you have a chance to steal a few minutes alone – take it. That’s probably the thing that I miss the most as most days I still don’t even get to shower alone.
Exercise – this will help you release built up tension like nothing else. Again – finding the time can be the hardest. I owned a treadmill that was collecting dust quite nicely in my sunroom and then one day in the middle of dinner time in between the crying and arguing and mess and noise – I got up , walked into the sunroom, put on my runners and my ipod and started walking.
I had locked the door behind me and just turned up the music when the banging and tattling started on the other side of the door. I think I walked for about an hour and felt 100% better after. I’ve never stopped doing that since actually – now it’s just in the morning though – I don’t consider it exercise – it’s self care – mommytime – my kids know it – and once I decided that I mattered, the weight came off faster as an added bonus, the stress went down.
I can’t say enough about finding something that you can do for yourself. Probably this is the most important aspect of self care as it’s vital on so many levels.Yoga is another great stress reliever – again time is a factor – I found some great online yoga classes that I can listen to and just do at home in my office. There are DVD’s and all kinds of things online – just make a decision to take care of you – physically and it will help with all the emotional stuff. More on weight loss here
Laugh as much as and as often as you can. It’s good for you and with the constant roller coaster of nursing, feeding, changing, you’ll need to keep your sense of humor. If you can’t find anything funny in your day- rent a funny movie, find something on TV anything to keep your spirits up! Laughter and self care go hand in hand.
Cry Cry if you need to – if you don’t you just might explode. If you hold in the tears you’re likely to just give yourself a tension headache – it might tune in your spouse or family too that mom needs a break. A really good sad movie can help too if you’re someone who is used to bottling up feelings. Call it a self care night, grab the popcorn and a box of kleenex and let it out!
Maybe you need to remind yourself about the postive things having twins
Self Esteem and Body Image
After those twins come out you may be somewhat disappointed with the body that you’ve now got. Avoid mirrors for now – they’re just depressing and coupled with the fact that you’re probably not feeling your most attractive at the moment with the robe on that you’ve been wearing for 24 hours, the accumulated spit up on one or both of your shoulders, and the mess that you see waiting for you in each room that you walk through. You’re not going to be looking your best right now – don’t stress over it. Feeling bad about your appearance is not good self care.
Get a great short, low maintenance hair cut or stock up on scrunchies for ponytails. I refused to give up my daily shower so I brought the babies with me. They would either sleep on the floor, sit in a bouncy seat or if they were dirty too – then I’d fold up a big towel and lay it on the bottom of the tub and shower with them at my feet. They learned really fast to get used to the water spray and the towel kept them from slipping and sliding. I love my morning shower so you just need to do what will work. You get tired of smelling like baby barf all the time.
Now chances are that your body has been stretched out like an over inflated balloon and you’re going to need some time to get that body back. You may have ended up with ‘twin skin’ – where your stretch marks have stretch marks and you can literally pull out and fold up the extra skin on your abdomen. Worry about this later – for now – cover it up so you don’t need to obsess over it . Start doing those sit ups when you feel ready.
Tummy tuck surgery or abdominoplasty is sometimes the only solution for extreme cases of twin skin. Know that it’s out there as an option but don’t stress about it now – you’ve got more important things to worry about. Our bodies are amazing and they will heal themselves more so that we can believe as long as we do what we can to take care of them.
Self care means taking care of the mother – you are important, you deserve time to rejuvenate , rest and relax – even if you’re just able to grab a few minutes here and there – grab them!
