Support -what to ask for and how to accept it
For some strange reason , almost all twin moms , including myself have a hard time admitting we might need help, or even accepting it when support is offered.
Allowing friends and family members to help you will save your sanity in the long run. It does not mean you are a bad parent or that you are not capable, it just means you are human and trying to meet the needs of demanding twin babies.
Taking care of yourself, and your home and everything else your life entails is a huge job. Being a parent is a huge job so keeping yourself healthy and happy is crucial for your family.
If you are lucky enough to have people in your life who genuinely want to help, here are some ideas of things that actually will help and support you!
Nights will be especially difficult as you will be tired and sore from giving birth and it will seem like every 5 minutes someone is going to need to eat, burp or get changed. If your husband can take some time off work – now would be the time to do it !
See if you can have another adult live with you through the first few weeks. Having your mother or mother in law stay with you for the first rough weeks can help out so much. You could try to arrange a mother’s helper if you don’t have older children or extended family to help out – someone who can watch the babies or play with your older children, while you grab a quick shower or make dinner. You NEED to take care of you, so that you can take care of them!
You will discover exactly what the definition of TIRED is once these babies arrive home. You will be feeding them 8-10 times EACH in a 24 hour period , as well as burping and diaper changing. That adds up to about 10 hours a day PER baby !
– And that is not including the rocking or settling necessary to settle unhappy babies. You will literally have your hands full for a few months.You might think you’ll never get through it ( you will!). You will need help and support – from Dad, from family and from friends – and when people offer – say YES !
Specific things to let them know will help and support you
-come with you and the babies to the doctor’s appointments or stay home and watch the other children
-come over and clean for you ! Do the dishes or catch you up on the laundry pile
-go grocery shopping for you or call ahead and ask if they can bring anything
-take the babies out in the stroller while you grab a quick nap or a shower
-bring diapers every time you visit!
-bring pre-made or frozen meals to help you not have to deal with meal preparations
-bring over a pizza
-bring the other children in the family a little special gift as all the attention is on the babies right now. ( My family was great about this and would come over and fuss over the older 2 kids, before asking to see the babies.)
-gift certificates or gift cards for baby stores
-chipping in money together to buy one of the larger ticket neccessary items for the babies.
-organizing friends to help with making and delivering ready to eat meals
My MIL came and cooked for 3 days straight until my freezer was fully stocked with meals ! I didn’t have to worry about cooking dinner for weeks – this was a HUGE help.
-plan to ‘visit’ but really give me a chance for me to nap, or shower, or step outside for a break !
Click here for a great shopping list of items you’ll need for your babies
The not so helpful
…Being new parents of twin babies will also put you in the spotlight for a while. Everyone will seem to want to give you their advice and comments whether or not you asked for them ! People liked to tell me their horror stories more often than not which was NOT helpful in any way. Others had advice on everything from what I should be eating to where they should be sleeping. Still others would shake their heads and say – “twins? double trouble ” and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that one ! I’ve even had a few women say to me – ‘better you than me ‘. And I agree – better me being given the gift of twins, than them. Take everything with a grain of salt – people are fascinated with multiples and while they may think they are being supportive or helpful – you may not.
You can read some stupid things people say to parents of twins here. Stop by and share your own experiences too !